A Little Deeper

"I remember a place... a town... a house like a lot of houses... a yard like a lot of other yards... on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years, I sill look back... with wonder" -The Wonder Years

 I think about my childhood a lot. I think about that little street and that house and all the memories there. I think about my brother mostly. And when I go back in my mind, it's me and him building forts and breaking things in our back yard and I can still see the excitement in his eyes when whenever we would do something. I looked up to him as a child, he was my partner in crime. Now I barely know him. He is older and the adventure and excitement that once filled his eyes as a small boy no longer resides there. Instead there is something else in his eyes. A sadness, and a hurt that he received after a life filled with betrayal after betrayal, hurt after hurt. That is all I see now and I guess it's so easy to love him with my whole heart no matter what he says or does because he is forever frozen in my mind as that 10 year old boy I followed around like a puppy for most of my childhood. Now all I think about anymore is had I only been a little braver, then maybe I could have saved him. I know one thing, and is that there will never be a day I will look back and not wonder.

Opened Cage

Butterflies danced in old dusty places

New feelings filled empty spaces.

Awake and alive deep inside

Broke the ropes that had me tied.

All to fast and all too soon

Dancing around a setting moon
Hope filled my soul at last
Gave me the rush I knew wouldn't last.
All is not gone and I am not lost
I would dance again at the same cost
The musics still playing and my heart still beats
You left with the world alive at my feet.

The Art Of The Heart

    Pablo Picasso once said “Are we to paint what's on the face, what's inside the face, or what's behind it?”. Most people think that Picasso’s art was only abstract, and child like. Many people criticize his work and think “Man I can paint better than this guy”. Little do most people know that Picasso started painting at a young age, and could depict any person or thing perfectly on a canvas. He could make paintings look so life like, and fill them with such emotion and color. He got bored though, of meeting everyone’s expectations, of painting “In the lines” and there for started painting abstract art called “Cubism”. Picasso would paint the subject from many different perspectives. He wanted to shy away from peoples traditional understanding of perspective. I never learned to appreciate Picasso’s art until I knew more about Picasso. He was an amazing painter who went against the grain and stopped painting the way people expected him too, despite the criticism that his art still receives to this day. Now when I look at Picasso’s work I don’t see “Child like paintings” but I see ART. I see individualism and courage, and boldness. Then it came to me, what if I stopped looking at people as just people, but more as art. After all we are all the art work of God. What if instead of only observing the subject, we look a little deeper into this piece of art. Look at scars not as flaws but as stories, for we all have scars, some of us just wear ours on the inside. What if when we looked at someone, we saw their life, their journey, there heart and in that we see their features. Picasso taught me something…to really appreciate someone, to really see their beauty, I have to look a little deeper, because behind every face is a story, and sometimes it’s a beautiful one.

 "My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso" -Pablo Picasso

Always On My Mind....

During a small reign of boredom, I decided to compile some of my favorite quotes....enjoy.

"I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that... over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play" - Viola (Shakespear In Love)

"There's another kind of love. One that gives you the courage to be better than you are, not less than you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible. I want you to know that you could have that. I want you to hold out for it." - Nights in Rodanthe

 "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds" - Noah

“Don't be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” -Richard Bach

"You and I will meet again. When we're least expecting it...One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face. I won't say goodbye my friend. For you and I will meet again" Tom Petty

"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -Bern Williams

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

I Wish

I wish I could save you, and I know only God can. But know that I will never give up on you. I'll always fight for you brother.

The Ink Of Dreams

Her name was Jenny. She was a ordinary girl for the most part. She never stood out in the crowd and most days she was overlooked. She never wanted to stand out though. She preferred the solitary life, where she attended school unnoticed. Then returned home where she found solace in writing about the life she wish she had. Something magical happened when she wrote though. She didn’t just write a story but became the story. She could write herself into any place and time. She had been able to do it ever since she was able to pick up a pen. Jenny’s parents had skipped out on her when she was only 6, right after little brother Michael had gone missing. They never found him, and most everyone believed that they never would. So she lived with her aunt in a tiny house on the lower part of New Orleans and most days her aunt never noticed her comings or goings. The great thing about it though is while she was away in her story, time passed slowly in reality. So she was able to go wherever she wanted whenever she wanted, and not worry too much about missing anything.

Today though was a dreary day, a hurricane was on the move and most everyone was leaving town but Jenny wasn’t worried. The levy’s would hold back the water just like they always did. So she turned the lights off, sat down at her desk and lit a candle. She listened to the wind beat against the windows and watched the shadow of the rain trickle down the wall. She wasn’t sure where she was going today, but she felt like going somewhere beautiful, and magical. Some place sunny where she could rest her mind. So she began to write, and as she wrote her pen became her thoughts. She closed her eyes and when she opened them she was in the middle of a field of daisies. The light of the sun fell perfectly on her face. She closed her eyes taking it all in. Smiling as the daisies came up off their stems and danced around her, singing her favorite song as they swayed. She danced with them, spinning in circles in her yellow sun dress before falling to the ground laughing along with the flowers. She leaned back and  looked up into the sky, as the clouds began to form into shapes. The billowing white clouds came together forming a herd of horses, and the crash of thunder rang in her ears as they raced across the sky. Then silently she closed her eyes and within minutes drifted off to sleep.

 When she woke up the everything was just as she had left it. Perfect. She yawned and stretched out looking around wondering what she could think up next. Then suddenly something happened she didn’t understand. Something she didn’t write.

There, 20 yards ahead of her was a large White Tiger. She stood there, frozen. Unsure of what to do. Never had something come into her writing that she had not thought up. As much as she wanted to be afraid, she couldn’t. She only felt peace and then suddenly and overwhelming sense of curiousity. She began to walk towards the Tiger as if in a trance. The sun reflected brightly against its white fur and she stopped shielding her eyes. Then out from behind the Tiger stepped a small boy, she couldn’t’ make out his face against the light of the Tiger, but as the boy stepped out in front of the lion she gasped. “Hello Jenny” the boy voice was soft and sweet like a melody. Jenny fell to her knees, as he walked toward her. Tears instantly pouring down her face then disappearing before they hit the ground. She reached up her hand and cupped the side of his face “How are you here Michael?” she whispered. She had tried to write Michael into her stories many times but could never remember exactly how he looked. His face gleamed with beauty, everything about him was more beautiful then she remembered. Even his once brown eyes were dancing in a mixture of green and blue. “We have come to take you home Jenny” he replied grabbing hand and pulling her to her feet. “We?” she asked , searching her brain for any excuse to why this might me happening. He pulled her towards the white tiger who stood exactly in the same spot as before. “Yes, Rapha and I have come to take you home” he exclaimed. Jenny came to a stop only a few feet from the Tiger. It’s eyes stared into her. They were soft eyes though, and when he looked at her she couldn’t help but feel complete, and as if the Tiger were looking at her in adoration. “Come now Jenny” the tigers voice sent a shudder through her body and it filled the air around her like a song. It was neither the voice of a woman or a man but something she had never heard or explain. Something she could of never thought to write. “I am home, I mean..I was, and then I came here…” but before Jenny could finish everything disappeared around her and all she was standing outside her house in New Orleans. The rain pelted against her house and the wind blew around her but she didn’t move or get wet. That’s when she saw it, a huge wave of water coming towards her and her house. She tried to run but couldn’t and watched in horror as the rushing water flew past her and through her house, and when the water settled her house was gone, the water had taken it without hesitation.

Before she could blink she was back in the field. She stood there in silence. “The levy’s broke, while I was away...they said that wouldn't happen...” she whispered staring at ground. Then she felt the hand of her 4 year old brother fill her own, and he looked up and whispered “Let’s go home.” The sadness of what she had just seen vanished the instant he touched her. She turned grabbing her little brother and hugged him. Crying as she did. She was so overwhelmed with joy, and happiness and love that she completly forgot about everything back home. Then they both walked hand and hand into eternity with Rapha.

Imagine Me

Iwill it to wash over me
just like the waves at sea
entangling my beauty
and everything that be
Peace come like the ocean
Grace like an evening breeze
and hope like a hunger.
Let life thirst for me
Fill me up and let me drowned
in a crystal waterfall
 and let the pounding of my heart be the only sound.
Pass through my soul with valiance
lift me up into the sky.
We'll dance around the thunder
Victory our cry.
If ever you should leave me
I would merely fade to dust.
Tears would be my melody
and earthly things my lust.

In A Dreamer's World

I remember when I was a child, I believed anything was possible, and believed everything I read in the books. There was this great big magical world out there and I wanted to find it. If you knew me as a child you would have probably thought I was a little weird, after I watched The Land Before Time I walked around on all fours carrying my fake baby dinosaur around in my mouth. I remember after watching Peter Pan how badly I wanted to fly to Never land, so I decided to build wings, and I was going to fly away to Never Land and live with the lost boys. So I spent 2 days cutting out cardboard wings and gluing leaves I collected off the trees to my wings. Finally when they were done, I could barely sleep. It was the night before I would take off. I had my back pack packed and when daylight hit the next morning I was on that roof before anyone woke up. Standing on the roof, I remember feeling at that moment like I was the smartest human on Earth. With my wings tied to my arms with white yarn I cut off the blanket my mom made me, I looked up at the sky smiled and took 5 steps back then with one huge breath I took off running forward and in one giant leap and a quick flap of my wings, I was in the air, and just like that I hit the ground and a sharp pain shot through my face. When I finally was able to comprehend what had happened I realized when I fell and hit the ground my knee shot up and hit me in the face, I now had a busted lip and a bleeding nose. I never tried to fly again, but I still think about it and how cool it would have been. My point to this is not that we should go try to build wings and fly to Never Land but that we should all revert back to our childhood when to us anything was possible when nothing could stop us from what we wanted, we were cowboys and Indians in our own back yard, we were princesses in our tree houses waiting for our princes to rescue us from the dragon. We believed in something bigger than what we were, and when we believed in ourselves. We all need to go back to when our faith could move mountains and we believed our dreams could come true, because they can. Life is an adventure, and with God anything is possible. Don’t conform to this world, but live out loud, do what you want and chase after your dreams because in the end, you will wish you had. ….So here is too all you dreamers and adventurers who have the courage to let go and chase after your dreams, may you find everything you were looking for, and many things you weren’t .

It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door," he used to say. "You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.
J.R.R. Tolkien