Miss Me But Let Me Go

  "Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear." Papa Bob died October 25, 2010. It was like a jolt to the heart, I never saw it coming. I guess because I always saw Papa Bob as a strong and brave man that I never thought he could die, I mean I knew it would happen eventually but not this year, not this month. The hardest part about losing him was that I didn’t get to say goodbye. The last time I saw him was father’s day where he pushed me to sit in his lap with him and watch football, but I only stayed there on the couch with him for a few minutes and then I was off to do something else. Had I known that was the last time I would see him, I would have urged him to tell me more stories of when he was young and serving in the war, because I loved his stories. I would have told him I loved him and hugged him tight before he drove away. I guess we all have our “If I had only known” moments. In a flash though he was gone, and since the moment I found out he had passed, guilt and sadness tore at my heart. So I pleaded with God, “Just one chance Lord, let me say goodbye, even if it’s only a dream”.  The days passed though, and even after the funeral when the 21 gun salute went off and the music played, and the breeze blew through the autumn trees I pictured him standing there with us, waiting for us to set him free. And even as I laid the single rose on his casket and blew him a kiss, it still didn’t feel like goodbye. There was still this pain in my heart, until Saturday night as I was laying in bed, I asked God again to let me say goodbye and as I drifted between sleep and conciseness I had a dream. It was just like the day of his funeral, the sun was shining and the slight breeze sent chills up my spine and I was standing over a grave covered in the fallen leaves. I begin to sweep the leaves away and something told me “Robbie it’s time to go” the voice was almost urgent. So I backed away and looked up and in the distance on a hill was the silhouette of a man. I could tell he was in uniform because I could see the outline of his hat. I knew instantly that it was Papa Bob, and in a single gesture he lifted his hand  and waved and it seemed like minutes he stood there waving, and I knew this was goodbye. Then I woke up. God had given me my goodbye and some may think it was just a dream but I know it was him and I know he knows how hurt I was that I didn’t say goodbye. I also I know that he is up in heaven, young and beautiful again and he will be a part of the greeting party that awaits me when I  go to meet my savior. My heart is at peace.